I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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