90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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