I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
