WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
