You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
