somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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