Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My liver just broke up with me...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
