you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
