Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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