dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
