They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
