K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
