I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
