You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
