Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
