my mouth tastes like poor choices
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
