I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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