I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
