My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
