Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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