i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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