I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
