____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I died a long time ago.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
