dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
