you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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