When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
