Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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