You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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