it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
