Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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