the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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