he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
