My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
