420 ftw
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
