okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
