my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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