I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
