sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
