I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
