That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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