i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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