I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
