i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
