He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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