I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
