I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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