I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
