im drinking this country out of the recession.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
