They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
