'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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